Bonus post: advice for life

So don’t settle for being “nice”. Strive for “amazing”, or “unforgettable”, or “the greatest man I’ve ever met”.

Yes, be respectful, generous and kind. Be nice. But also: Do the things you do well. Don’t apologize when you win. Tell jokes in a crowd. Take the mic in Rock Band. Be the DM. See the world. Laugh loudly. Dance badly. Try the things that scare you. Wear a stupid hat. Share your opinions freely. Share your kindnesses even more freely. Love yourself first, and without restraint. Just burn, burn like a flame that can’t go out; burn brighter and hotter than even the sun.

- From a love advice column on The Escapist, Nov 28.

Fixed it man-style

Today, my brother rang to tell me the dogs had escaped through a hole in the fence. He did something, but it was ineffective, because when I got home and let them out, Sam came up to the wire gate wanting to be let back in five minutes later. I immediately realised my brother’s method, while good intentioned, was not good enough. I knew I’d have to do what I did last time: block the opening in the wooden fence from the outside, because I tried it from the inside once and it failed, tried from the outside the next time (same day) and it worked. The obvious solution was a cinder block, because it’s heavy enough to be hard to slide out of the way.

Jack Russells are good at squeezing through gaps in fences. Especially when a wooden plank has come loose. You’d think that even though they’re small dogs, they couldn’t fit through a gap that size. You’d be wrong. Even Sam, who’s built like a bulldog, fits. Sneaky bastard. At least he comes back. This is the dog who every other time to date has always, always gone for a run the nanosecond the roller door’s up or the gate’s open or a plank’s come loose. And fark can she run!

In other news, I realised some time this week that I have too many flamethrowers.

Manliness

Today, my Uni mate Jake told me my writing is manly. Or something to that effect. Maybe it was badass. Either’s cool, don’t get me wrong. The thing he’s found with a lot of ‘lad lit’ is that it’s all rather gay, or castrated, or wussy. Or all three. They seem not to be written for men, and as such, men feel like it’s a bit emasculating reading that stuff. That’s probably why it never really took off, lad lit. Throw in the fact that the world has been dominated by males since creation and now it’s not so singularly dominated any more – although rap videos would have us think that ‘bitches’ are there to be fucked – and you can understand that males in general have been having a bit of an identity crisis, as ol’ Chuck Palahniuk, the author of the phenomenally understanding and re-masculating Fight Club shows.

So with that in mind, let me link some good, manly websites that show how books can be manly and enthusiastic about the content.

http://www.badassoftheweek.com/list.html

Straightforward really. What’s awesome is just how much it oozes with energy and testosterone. What’s even more awesome is that these people – mostly dudes, but some chicks – is that these people were often real historical figures. This shit actually happened, for real. It’s history lessons without the feeling of utter mind-numbing boredom. The style is ridiculous, but then, such a style is just what history lessons need to breathe life into stale, musty black and whites.

http://www.cracked.com/

What can I say? There’s bugs that kill human beings by shooting through your skull, there’s roots that look like male fertility idols with penises, there’s a top 7 list of classic Power Rangers monsters (hint: Mythical Cyborg Goat), there’s just so much info out there that you never knew, it’s crazy. Did you know the skin has a ‘horny layer’ that comes off in the shower? Just have a look. You’ll LOL.

http://artofmanliness.com/

This is just what men these days need. It’s a lost art, manliness. This will teach you everything: shaving, cooking meat with fire, how to jump from rooftop to rooftop, how to deliver a baby, how to not sound like a prick, and five pirates every man should know about, among other topics. This is pretty much essential if you want to learn to not be, basically, a wuss or an asshole. Which should be every man.

I think a special mention should be made of Pizza Capers, who embrace amazing stories of adventure and excitement and danger, and also humour, to bring you amazing pizza with as much or as little spice as you can handle.

And Wolverine. Everything’s fun with Wolverine claws.