Another franchise returns from the dead…

In recent news, at least recent to me, I saw a trailer for a remake of The Mummy. A franchise that shot itself in the foot, twice, and ended Brendan Frasier’s career. At least with that one, it’s got Tom Cruise, so, you know, safe bet for action and star name recognition and all that. Yes, he’s legit cray. But he’s also a really successful actor, and if he’s still getting roles today, you can bet it’s because of that, and, in synergy, if he’s still acting at his age he’s gotta be damn good at it. So at least you’ll get to see Tom Cruise be… well, Tom Cruise. And if anything could be resurrected from the dead…

I’ll see myself out.

But just today I heard that they’re trying to get a remake of Escape From New York done.

Dear god, no. Just when I thought it might be safe to go back to the movies! (I didn’t, and it wasn’t, not by a long shot) They drag up the past again with this shit.

As soon as I opened up Youtube and saw In Bob We Trust come up with the headline ‘how to fix the Escape From New York’, I thought: “Step 1: No.”

Roll credits.

But, to Bob’s credit, he did have some good angles to go with as an alternative to the inevitable shitery that’s going to ensue from this. I loved those movies, simply because of how satirical they are of society in those two cities in those two decades.

Unless this turns out to be a meta-narrative on endless reboots, a la 21 Jump Street, I’m not seeing this one. Like, at all. Unless trusted sources tell me it’s actually good. Or a hilarious train wreck. THAT I’d pay to see in the cinemas. But not the bland, boring, paint-by-numbers snore fest that we’ll probably get.

Escape From America, THAT I’d watch. Or Snake Goes Home. Or Escape From Earth (a la ‘I Don’t Want To Live On This Planet Anymore…’)

Those movies, if they needed anything, is a SEQUEL. You know, like what Mad Max did. But not like Independence Day 2. That was also shit. Not that I expected much from that. By this point, who even gives a shit?

Magnificent 7 was fine though. The Mummy reboot could be alright. But we haven’t really had a GOOD reboot since 22 Jump Street, and that was only because it was SO off-the-wall funny and satirical and meta with a deliberate purpose, and that it struck gold twice tells you the next one will too.

Which is crossing over with MIB.

Not sure how that’ll work, but can’t be any worse than the Robocop one.


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