Good advice for submitting to magazines anyway…

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/advice-for-submitting-to-literary-magazines-in-the-coming-totalitarian-dystopia

 

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Sarcastic Writer Tag

From ShaelinWrites 

 

Questions:
1. Where does your writing inspiration come from?

The same place your questions come from: my brain. Yes, your questions come from MY brain, and there’s something lost in translation, because I’m on a whole other plane of existence to you. And it’s a realm of strippers and icecream and you’re not invited.

2. What would you be doing if you weren’t writing?

Video games and porn.
3. What is your greatest fear as a writer?

That you’ll steal my 10000% original ideas and do them better than I ever could.
4. What is your number one writing tip?

Don’t. Describe. Shit. Let the reader read you mind, it’s what they do.
5. How do you feel about editing?

That’s the editor’s job. I’m a special little snowflake and I will simply email it out to the first publisher I meet over beers at one of my weekly parties and they’ll take care of everything for me and they won’t have to do shit because I’m just that amazing and then I can party it up with a half-naked Kathryn Winnick on the beaches of Greece.

 

6. Where do you do your best writing?

At your mom’s place. You should call her.
7. Where do you see your writing career in ten years?

Career? Pfft, I just write one book, it debuts at #1 for a year straight, and I never have to worry about bills again because royalties are perpetual and I will always been rich and famous and never have to work again the rest of my life. That’s the publisher’s problem. Me, I just get to feed grapes to a topless model of some kind (wasn’t I talking about someone earlier? I’m too drunk to remember who, but she’s pretty).

Update for January

Phew, I’ve had a busy couple days. I published the new and final version of my book, because, well, come on, I hated the last two versions, and I know I’ve done a good job when I publish on Monday and have made $5 by Tuesday. It’s now also in Smashwords premium catalogue, meaning I am now going to be automatically distributed to all of Amazon’s competitors, just about. On top of that, I’ll be doing POD from Ingram Spark, since they have a branch in Victoria, which means I don’t have to get them in from the states, meaning MUCH cheaper delivery costs and shorter times, and so much less hassle ‘translating’ between print and digital PLUS between US and AU stores, like I had with Amazon (Kindle vs Createspace). Still going to do POD with that, but for Australian readers, it’ll be Ingram or something to that effect.

I’ve had a haircut, so I don’t feel like a hobo anymore.

I’ve run a really fun, interesting D&D adventure I found online with my closest group.

I’ve ordered business cards.

I’ve written a new story or rather finished one, and I’ve been able to go to parties again too.

I’m also going to the gym from Friday. Gonna work out some of this anger and frustration and sleep better too.

My Twitter and Instagram tend to have new followers each time I log in.

I can go to the movies again.

And I haven’t decided where to go tomorrow, but most likely either Eatons Hill or Newmarket, if I do decide to go out (who am I kidding, I need air con!)

I’m kinda exhausted, but a good exhausted. And I’m going to see my remaining dog tonight when I go to mum and dad’s. She’ll be glad to see me too.

Some books I want to check out

While searching a bookstore in the chain of which my friend (I’ll call her M) recommended. That book is The Fifth Season, and I trust her recommendations. She’s damn good at it, and seriously, her sci fi/fantasy section is the best-looked-after shelf section of any branch of this store in Australia. And she put me onto Blood Song after The Name of the Wind, so I will take her word for it. Cause she has steered me right 100% of the time so far. Okay, that was one time, but she’s passionate about the things I am, and she’s awesome and wonderful and lovely and manages a bookstore too.

Anyway, here’s a list of books I want to get some time soon, and why (ie the blurbs). These are not reviews, just a wishlist really. Downloaded samples, going to see what they’re like and update as I finish those samples and see if I want to read more.

 

A City Dreaming by Daniel Polanski

M is a drifter with a sharp tongue, few scruples, and limited magical ability, who would prefer drinking artisanal beer to involving himself in the politics of the city. Alas, in the infinite nexus of the universe which is New York, trouble is a hard thing to avoid, and now a rivalry between the city’s two queens threatens to make the Big Apple go the way of Atlantis. To stop it, M will have to call in every favor, waste every charm, and blow every spell he’s ever acquired – he might even have to get out of bed before noon.

Enter a world of wall street wolves, slumming scenesters, desperate artists, drug-induced divinities, pocket steam-punk universes, and hipster zombies. Because the city never sleeps, but is always dreaming.

 

Elektrograd: Rusted Blood by Warren Ellis

ELEKTROGRAD is the city of the future. Since the early 20th Century, it has been used as a testbed for futuristic modes of living. Each of its seven districts is an experimental site for new forms of architecture.

It is now the early 21st Century. Elektrograd is showing its age.

Mekanoplatz is the northernmost district of Elektrograd. And, on the district border, within site of the old construction robots with homeless people sheltering in their rusting carcasses, under the green flingers reaching their tentacles to the edge of space, and in the shadow of the hall where the shape of the future was first revealed in sparks and fire, there is a dead body.

ELEKTROGRAD: RUSTED BLOOD is a murder mystery in a strange dream of a city, from the NYT-bestselling author of the crime novel GUN MACHINE and the graphic novels TRANSMETROPOLITAN, PLANETARY and RED.

 

I hope they have chainsaw bayonets…

 

 

The Emperor’s Railroad by Guy Haley

Global war devastated the environment, a zombie-like plague wiped out much of humanity, and civilization as we once understood it came to a standstill. But that was a thousand years ago, and the world is now a very different place.

Conflict between city states is constant, superstition is rife, and machine relics, mutant creatures and resurrected prehistoric beasts trouble the land. Watching over all are the silent Dreaming Cities. Homes of the angels, bastion outposts of heaven on Earth. Or so the church claims. Very few go in, and nobody ever comes out.

Until now…

 

“Haley serves up equal helpings of horror, fantasy adventure, and SF in this stark, intriguing story of a ruined Earth where the remaining humans are determined to survive.” – Publishers Weekly

“Entertaining and exciting… If grim-dark is your thing, then this is a great read for you.” – Bull-Spec

At the Publisher’s request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

 

So that’s what’s currently on my waiting list for the TBR pile.